::hoping for the best::

thinking.and.thinking.and.thinking.again.

its hard for you..

it even hard for me.

yet.

im still re-thinking.

i just hope for the best.

dear God,

please guide me.

i only can rely on You.

for this thing.

which i hardly decide.

only You know.

what is best for me.

every now and then.

amin.

::out::

sorrow.

without a guide.

i am blind.

to see the true colors

sit tight

hold my back

or i fall of the track

let go off me..

or im dying inside..

::cheers to both my candle of life::

.::incik lewar dan incik bonda::.

::mereka adalah pelita hidup saya::

9 hb may 2010..

we gonna celebrate two biggest event tomorrow.melewar's birthday and mother's day.to both important person in my life, i wish both of you will get a healthy, wealthy and prosperous life.no matter what happen in my life, i will always love you.protect you.take a good care of you.be there for you.you are my strength and weaknesses.cause without you, i am nothing.

i know mom, i am not a good daughter.but im try my best to be a good enough for you.i know i always hurt your feeling by not listening to you, by always ignoring your advise, by always being lazy at home, by always asked you to cook for me, by always make you sad and so forth..

mom, i really really sorry for what i did before.i just hope that Allah will give me a strength to pay back your good deed for me.i just hope that i will give you the whole happiness in this world so you can be happy like others mom too.i just wish to give all the things you want in your life so you don't have to bersusah payah like the old days.i just hope that i can pay every single things that you sacrifice in your life for me mom.

mom, i am truly sorry for not being able to be with you all the time.i am so sorry for not being able to take care of you all the time.i am sorry for not being able to call or message you every single days.i am so sorry for being useless mom..

mom..i do love you.thank you so much for being my mom.you are the greatest mom in the world even though i do hurt your feeling long time ago..whatever happened in our past lifeand whatever reason it is, i'm always pray for your happiness.thanks again for being my mom.i always want to be a good daughter to you.may Allah always put His bless to us.amin.

and to melewar, please grow up and be such a good kid.not a spoiled one.please throw those ridiculous lesson you learn from the older.we always love you acikubis..im so sorry for being like mak tiri when we were together..you know how much i love you and i always will.and dont forget your promise when you grow up and have a good job, you gonna hand me all your money.bahahaha:))..promise is a promise lewar:))

ps:i do heart you mom and lewar.and i always will:))

::berstrongkol bersama skandal::

ahad yang lalu..berdatingan bersama teman sepelajaran semasa di melaka.rumaizah borhanuddin atau lebih dikenali sebagai mai.beliau dengan baik hatinya telah membelanjai daku makan malam di laksa seks shack demi memenuhi citarasa daku yang sangat gilakan laksa..bukan gilakan seks..

sebelum itu, kami membazirkan masa di sekitar melaka mall, jaya jusco tempat kegemaran kedua selepas mahkota parade.di jusco mai membelikan daku 4bungkus kaya ball yang sangat enak di makan di waktu panas.gila kau belanja aku 4 bungkus.sebungkus pun aku dah kenyang mampos tau mai??

selepas itu, kami ke mydin mitc.nampak iklan kerja kosong.maka dengan baik hatinya si mai telah membelikan aku tiga helai selendang semata-mata untuk bertanyakan perihal kerja kosong tersebut.baik sungguh hati kau ye mai semenjak sudah bekerja ini.ehehe..i lap u lah sayang:))

sebenarnya, aku cuma mahu menghabiskan masa bersama kau.ya,sudah agak lama kita berdua tidak ketemu bukan?4 tahun bukan tempoh yang singkat.even though kita hanya bersama selama 2tahun sahaja.terima kasih yang tidak terhingga aku ucapkan kepada kau kerana masih tidak melupakan aku walaupun kau sangat sibuk.

aku juga ingin meminta maaf selama 2 tahun bersama sudah banyak perkara yang aku lakukan yang aku tahu banyak melukakan dan mengecilkan hati kau..sering sahaja aku mempersendakan kau..menganjingkan kau dan sebagainya.maaf.aku banyak berkelakuan tidak bagus kepada kau.teerima kasih kerana masih menganggap aku sebagai teman kau..

::itulah mai.gadis bertudung merah.wiwit::

ps:kenangan 2 tahun itu adalah yang paling manis buat kita semua:) 

::the chosen one::

in this life..we were force to make a choice.whether we like or not.we have to..just like ying and yang..good and bad..friend and enemy..revenge or forgiveness..secret or openness..whatever we do, whatever we choose,we already have a concrete reason for that.and whatever reason it is we already know that it might hurt others people especially who those being close to us.

and sometimes, we don't get what we need.and sometimes it goes beyond your expectation and control.but, whatever it is, that the fact we should face and we have to face.no matter what, we already make a decision..who we want to become..what are we..why we choose that..only we know the answer..sometimes we just think that we already decide what best for us and others but actually we dont.and we often lied to them and said that."i do this because i do care about you and i dont want you to be mad or whatsoever at me".either we realised or not, we already hurt people we love most.is it the white lie really exist or we just made them up?

but then, the only reason why all those things happen in our life, because Allah knows better than we do.He the only one who knows everything.He choose and decide what good and best for us even though we ask for something else from Him."every cloud has a silver lining"

ps:we choose to live or live to choose??