::heart daddy's::

::16 mei 1953 - 27 august 2002::
::hospital besar ipoh::

i lost my father when i was seventeen.he died because of cancer.he suffered many years ago before taken by God.yeah.im glad his gone.its not because i dont love him.but i just cant stand to watched him suffered anymore.with a wires here and there.tag along his hand.ohmygod.as his daughter,i felt like wanna replace his place so he cant suffered anymore.i cant stand to watched him being pushed over by the nurse to put some tube into his mouth so the vomit can come out.his begging the nurse not to push anymore.he cant stand it.but the nurse just doing her job.me felt like wanna cry.its really hurt me.just imagine how he felt that time.poor him.

haih..too much feeling inside my head.my heart.i cant let it out.i just dunno how. and with whom i can share this feeling.the hurt that i felt.years ago.it never be the same again without him in the family.empty.

i know.its too late for me asking for apologize.for everything i have done.my bad.im stubborn.selfish.egois.i never listen to you or mom words.its my fault.and now im carried for the whole life.the guilt that i felt.never ending.and i will never satisfied with myself.i never got a chance too take care of you.game over.no more laughing.no more joking.no more tears.no more earbashing.from you.again.your advise.your smile upon your face.i will never gonna see it again.

too much things.i wanna write here.but i cant.emotion unstable.the tense is high.life up and down.and i still cant forget about it.just like yesterday it happened.

No comments: